As eager high school and college seniors don mortarboard
caps and glossy gowns for their parades across commencement podiums, families
and friends seek memorable comments to enclose with graduation greetings,
gifts, gift cards, and other mementos. What funny graduation quotes might be
cited on such a celebratory occasion?
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Here are some favorite commencement quips, arranged
alphabetically by speaker (or writer).
“A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.”
W.H.Auden (1907 –
1973)
W.H. Auden, the prolific British poet with the Saharan wit,
aimed this graduation quote at college and university faculty. Still, his
statement might ring true among high school graduates as well. As students
reflect on their academic careers, this statement would surely bring both fond
and soporific memories. After all, what graduating senior hasn’t dozed off in
Medieval Literature, Neoclassical Philosophy or Advanced Calculus class?
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
Milton Berle (1908 – 2002)
Milton Berle, fondly known as “Mister Television” and “Uncle
Miltie,” was a mainstay of early television, particularly in the 1950s. Berle
somewhat sardonically stated a solid truth of self-made success. Opportunity
does not always arrive unprompted. Instead, as his graduation quotation points
out, young adults may have to carve out their own paths after commencement.
“Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents.
They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of
child-raising, they are unemployed.”
Erma Bombeck (1927
– 1996)
A beloved American humorist, Erma Bombeck faithfully offered
comic relief on practical topics, particularly parenting. In this graduation
quote, Bombeck points to mothers and fathers of graduates. As young adults
embark upon life after schooling, parents may find their own roles changing
dramatically. Hopefully, their graduating offspring will soon be transformed
from dependents to independent adults. If this occurs, these young adults will
become employed, thus working their parents out of a job (as parents).
“To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the ‘C’ students, I say you too may one day be President of the United States.”
George
W. Bush (1946 - )
As the 43rd President of the United States,
George W. Bush clearly knows firsthand what it takes to aspire to the highest
political office in America. Bush, known to many as “Dubya,” has always enjoyed
poking fun at himself. This graduation quotation, uttered during a 2001 commencement
address at Yale University (his own alma mater), satirizes the oft-told
American dream promise that any child in American has the potential to grow up
to become President.
Johnny Carson, the former late-night talk show host, put his
own spin on this. “Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be President, and
anyone who doesn't grow up can be Vice President," he said.
President Bush humorously affirmed Yale graduates with his congratulations
for the highest achievers and his encouragement of the more average students.
Still, at a highly competitive school like Yale, is anyone really an average
student?
“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss
of enthusiasm.”
Sir
Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
Sir Winston Churchill was a British statesman and prime
minister, who led Great Britain and the globe through World War II. Churchill’s
statement on success is an ideal graduation quotation, while also somewhat
comical. Graduating students often seem to sense their own unlimited potential,
as they embark on professional life after completing their schooling. Still,
failures and setbacks are inevitable, eventually Churchill makes light of
failures, in a sense, while pointing out how true achievement comes through
maintaining personal motivation through such times.
“Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned
in school.”
Albert
Einstein (1879-1955)
Albert Einstein, the renowned 20th Century German
physicist, is credited with developing the theory of relativity. He won the
Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. This Einstein quote is humorous, but also
appropriate for graduates, as it brings the lofty ideals of education down to
earth.
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if
he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919)
Teddy Roosevelt was the 26th President of the
United States. The Nobel Peace Prize winner, known for “speaking softly and
carrying a big stick,” was widely respected worldwide for diplomacy, leadership
and conservationism. In this graduation quote, Roosevelt satirically highlighted
the power of an education. According to Roosevelt, an individual with training
and schooling may carve out a more powerful professional position than one
without. Still, the quipping President tinged this truth with the possibility
that even a quality education may not dictate true human values and integrity.
Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing
college students should never be released into the world until they have been
properly sedated.
Garry Trudeau (1948
- )
This American cartoonist and playwright, best known for his Doonesbury comic strip, received the
Pulitzer Prize in 1975 for editorial cartooning. Trudeau’s humorous commencement
comment implies that commencement speakers generally bore audiences with
platitudes and philosophizing. By doing so, New Yorker Trudeau insists (in his graduation
quote), such orators basically anesthetize their listeners. Trudeau graduated
from Yale University with a bachelor of arts (BA) and a master of fine arts
(MFA), so he has had personal experience in lengthy commencement speeches.
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
Mark Twain
(1835 – 1910)
Mark Twain (actually Samuel L. Clemens) once shocked
academics with his fictional work and his slang vocabulary, in particular.
Twain’s declaration contrasts schooling and education. This graduation quote is
both pithy and humorous, as it contains an important truth about lifelong
learning. For a true student, education does not end with graduation.
Inquisitive minds seek learning constantly, both in and out of school.
The tassel's worth the hassle!
This graduation quote, which appears on everything from tee
shirts to bumper stickers to commencement party invitations, comes from an
unknown author. Still, it merits mention, even for its memorability.
Ask any graduating senior, from kindergarten to college,
what it took to get to the commencement ceremony. Such a question may unleash a
lengthy monologue about academic assignments, class participation, and extra
effort. The tassel (a graduate’s keepsake from the mortarboard commencement
cap), is well worth the hard work and headaches that preceded the momentous
occasion of graduation. At the same time, these festivities may merit a healthy
dose of good humor as well.
Image/s:
Title graphic adapted from public domain
image.
Quiz results artwork – from online quiz
(fair use)
